Let me tell the story and let’s see if it’s funny or we just couldn’t let go of each other…
You know how someone feels when he/she knows they are cute but always trying to be modest and also pretending that they don’t see it that way? I think that was how he was feeling that particular day. I was on bbm (blackberry messenger) one of the best then, chatting with friends before they decided to leave me to my no boyfriend lonely self. I was so bored to death that i started reading my chats with them all over again while laughing quietly to the stupid things we were saying. It was some minutes past 1:00am in the morning (wondered what was in my dinner that kept me up till that time) it wasn’t as if i had any boyfriend or cute boy making me weak in the knees, my two eyes decided to take a stroll away from dream land.
I was already imagining myself in a wedding dress
(Too thirsty right?) Also in his arms, hugging him, cuddling, and lots of fun (I said fun, just clear your dirty mind please). Right there i knew we were going to date but i just really don’t know why. I messaged him by replying to his pm, asking him why he was feeling too important because girls wanted him around but contrary to my thoughts, he was a complete opposite of what i imagined. He was a shy person, love to be indoor just like me, he doesn’t enjoy the happening things rather he loves his own creation (alone time or with family and loved ones).
We chatted for almost four hours and we didn’t want it to stop but couldn’t cheat nature. I remembered trying to hold my eye lids up with tape just to keep up with the chat. After what seems like being in paradise, we had to end the chat to rest but before that, we exchanged numbers, pictures and trust me it was fun. Just as we were dragging who would sleep first, blackberry being a party and love ruiner played a fast one on us and decided to shut down itself (their batteries then though, you would thing someone was sucking the power). We didn’t get to say goodnight but it took me another twenty minutes before allowing my eyes to rest as i was busy drowning in my own imagination.
A week later, we were official (yes i did) I had someone to take my time and my friends were a little bit jealous (laughing). I had a boyfriend, a friend and someone that just wants me for me. We went to the movies at any spare time he has (we sometimes split the bill, we were young then). He broke my cinema virginity (people he was the first person to take me to the movies, you people have dirty mind o). He constantly reminds me of how beautiful i was but i was too insecure, as i always saw him as too perfect for me.
Things were going on smoothly till my insecurities started getting the best part of me. I never loved my skin tone, body shape or anything that has to do with myself but he Loves them. I remembered the day he wanted me to tell him how i felt (saying i love him), i was so scared that i ended up picking a fight with him just to change the topic. He was getting really worried, tired and frustrated because everything he was doing for me to overcome my worries and insecurities were all in vain.
Later, he was becoming a shadow in the relationship, i was facing a lot of stress from home which i couldn’t tell him. He had no idea of my past, how i had to face molestation, how i was constantly hating myself everyday. I wanted him to try harder, to see beyond my insecurities that i was loosing myself but he was more concerned about my social security that i wasn’t developing. He wanted to show me to the world but how was that even possible when i was completely damaged and was dying in silence.
He went back to school, there comes a girl that suite his every needs. Her lifestyle, she was the classic uptown beauty, the way she carries herself and oh heavens, she was truly outspoken. The type of girl you can take anywhere, the type that would never go wrong with your tuxedo and her perfect dinner gown not the T-shirt and Jean type of me.
I wept so deeply because i couldn’t tell him how much he meant to me and how much i loved him. I didn’t fight for him, i let go of him. Over the years, i began to learn how to love myself more. I was over it and i upgraded from that naive insecure girl i was to a young woman that wasn’t shy to be herself.
Trying to get over him, i kissed a whole lot of frogs trying to find prince charming but then again life shouldn’t be by the book.
Destiny brought us back together but this time as best friends. We fight, argue, laugh, eat, movies and do a whole lots together but most importantly i was not afraid to say what i wanted to say. Everything changed again when we both decided to get an apartment together. Who am i to think feelings won’t find its beautiful self to creeping back into our story.
We were cool together as roommate and best friends. It was fun moving in together, painting, decorating and putting everything in place. We cook together, clean and i made time table to take turns in doing the house chores (he hated it much but fun when we do things together).
One evening while fighting over the remote (I wanted Disney channel but he always made us watch soccer) i was determined to take control of the TV but we ended up taking control of our lips. We kissed for minutes and it was heavenly. He broke the kiss (I almost cursed out) but he apologized for doing that while i pretended like it was his fault and i never wanted it but deep down i loved it.
Days after the kiss, things were a little bit awkward between us like i wasn’t comfortable with him doing my bra strap or zipping my dress up or handling him the towel while he bath or scrubbing his back while pretending to half closed my eyes. We decided to talk and came to an agreement to let go. Just make things better, we went on a double date inviting a guy that wanted us to date and he invited a girl from his office that obviously liked him. Throughout the dinner while he was busy chatting with the girl, i was paying half attention to them and to my date. I later faked a stomach pain, my date drove me back home while he decided to spend the night with his date.
I couldn’t sleep all through, thinking of how lucky the girl was to have him, how he was going to make love to her while i was stuck on the bed with Mr. Talk too much and his chats. I ended the chat with him and told him i was going to call him later (oh no he didn’t stay with me). I said my prayers and as i was about to close my eyes, i heard a heavy knock on the door. It was around 11pm, i asked who it was and it turned out to be Shane (sorry i didn’t mention his name from the beginning). As i was trying to be sarcastic asking about his date, he asked why it took me so long to come back to him. I was confused at his statement but he went further saying “why did u made me go away? I loved you with your flaws, your insecurities and everything but why didn’t you come back? I sincerely had no answer to that but as i was searching for answers trying to speak and nothing was coming out of my mouth, he replaced those missing words with a passionate deep kiss and hugged me tight. All that came out my mouth was “I love you” he smiled and replied “I know”
Now we are engaged and am still teaching him how to make coffee (oh lord take the class) and i still don’t know how to win the bet over the remote control but am loving every minutes with my rock star.
composed and edited by sheydeahqb
Image credit; pinterest