The African man Ego
Mr and Mrs Makun have been married for almost eights years and even when everything seems so well, it has always being the same issue about his pride and manly ego. Makun always find it hard to say ‘am sorry’ to his wife just because of the belief/information he had while growing up, that a strong man that rule the family never apologizes to his wife unless he is a coward. He believed whenever they have any argument, whether or not she is at fault, it’s her right to apologize to him. She had endure this for so long that each time their is any misunderstanding, she would try to apologize all for the sake of peace. Despite the strong love between them and understanding, this issue has really stopped her from having any deep conversation with her husband just because she was scared of saying something and ended up being misjudged and she would be the one trying to make peace. She had tried so many times to talk to her husband about his belief in being a coward if he apologized and seek peace while the wife would decide whether or not to forgive.
They always make sure their children learn the most important things in life. Their mother made sure the two boys learn to respect women as they grow up and the girl was taught how to be a a great woman and respect as well. Whenever they argue, they do it in their room calmly and settles it immediately which is always coming to the fact that she would have to apologize. each time they have any misunderstanding, she always see the struggle and willingness to say ‘am sorry’ but it doesn’t come out.
One day Makun offended his wife and all she needed was for him to say ‘am sorry’ to put his actions in words but it was like the more she stared in his face, the more kin he was to keep his belief. His lips were shaking and moving like he was finding it hard to put the words together and say it out. Later that night, the wife cried and decided to stay on her own. She was never in support of silent treatment but she had no choice than to let him realize how she was always hurt and the level of disappointment she felt each time he couldn’t put those words together to let her feel that he was truly sorry. The next day when Makun was coming back from work, he bought different gifts for his wife like he always do as this is a way he says am sorry. He got her expensive flowers, chocolate, handwritten card designed for her and many other gifts but she doesn’t need all that because all she wanted was for him to realize how the word ‘am sorry’ can go a long way to make things right. She accepted the gifts and thanked him but he knew deep down something wasn’t right and he hate seeing his wife unhappy
This silent treatment continued for a while and the husband doesn’t like the atmosphere in which relationship was in. Despite what was going on, she never stopped doing all her duties as his wife. She never allowed her pain and hurt take over her reaction, she kept it all aside and stayed happy and strong for her children and especially the husband. One day on his way from work, he decided to visit his close friend who is also a pastor to let out his feelings. They exchange greetings, after a cup of coffee he explained everything to his friend. He told him how he wanted to say sorry to his wife always, how he always wanted to look in her eyes and let her see how sincere and sorry he was anytime he needed to. His friend asked him what the problem was and why he always pull back each time he wanted to say ‘am sorry’ he explained everything, how his father made it clear that a man is always right and should never give up on any form of argument by admitting he was wrong because this would Make him look weak and lesser of a man. His friend laughed and was surprised that he believed in all that. His friend asked him to talk to his wife and explain things to her. Makun was in tears as it hurts to see his wife hurt and always feel vulnerable each time he needed to say sorry, she would say it for peace to reign even when he is at and always at fault. He pleaded with his friend not to talk to his wife about his confession as he believe this would Make him appear more weaker and she might take advantage of the fact that if not for the belief, he won’t get to have say in things.
As his friend he shouldn’t interfere in their marriage or any of their business but as a pastor he believed he should be able to help them through prayers and move on from there till things are back to normal. Makun’s friend waited for a while to see if things would change and if Makun won’t bring the topic up whenever they are together but reverse was the case which made him think he would have to talk to Makun’s wife after praying to hear from God.
In Makun’s house things were still the same but she always tried to make sure everything is ok and prayed everytime to God about her husband. Each time anything happens or there was need for an apology, she tries fast to apologize and this put Makun in a very uncomfortable, tight position. One day he called his friend to tell him he has no choice but to make his wife happy and explain things to her, he supported the idea but didn’t tell him his wife knows everything.
On getting home, he saw the dining room set but no sign of his wife. He went in to the kitchen all he could perceive was the aroma of the delicacies his wife had made, at the same time he felt this calmness he has being missing for a while. He went to the children’s room and saw them resting, and straight to the room he saw his wife waiting for him. He was surprised but before he could say anything, Mrs Makun ran towards him, gave him a kiss and hugged him so tight. He was surprised to what was going on, his wife held him by his hand and they both sat on the bed. She stared deeply in his eyes and smile so beautifully that led to tears already forming in his eyes.
Makun knelt down ‘honey i have something to tell you and i really need you to understand and truly forgive me’ she smiled which made him wonder why ‘she replied, i know about everything now and i understand what happened but you should have told me. A lot of our elders still believe in their own ways of doing things, it’s their beliefs and they want us to be like that but didn’t realize their information would ruin things as it doesn’t work the same way again. Makun, not all women are the same likewise men. I would never take advantage of your meekness and on my own part i should have confronted you earlier when i noticed it during our time of courtship but i felt it was nothing till i realized how apology and the word ‘am sorry’ goes a long way. Makun was amazed at his wife understanding and was happy his friend took a very bold step to go against his wish and this really put everything back to normal again. They both called his friend and thanked him for his help, he advised them more, encouraged them and prayed with them. Makun find it easy to say ‘am sorry’ which put a smile on his wife’s face. By saying sorry, this made things easier for him to say and admit his wrongs
Sometimes men and women develop ego/pride due to the belief they were made to accept and think it’s the way it should be. in regardless of who is at fault, saying am sorry from both party means you both understand the meaning of letting go, allowing peace to reign and protecting each other’s feelings and no one should ever feel too big to be sorry and admit it.